The Most Romantic Sign

It's no secret that I've been feeling lonely over the past couple of months. I attribute this to a few things that are somewhat out of my control. First of all, I live a life with many close people around me. These people are wonderful parts of my life, but our motivations, aspirations, and locations keep us apart more often than I like. My relationships with my friends are important to me, and I have a hard time doing them over the phone/internet (though I make it work when necessary). I know that this feeling is somewhat derived from my lack of social interactions with those people that mean the most to me.

Second, and probably more heavily weighted, is the fact that I want to find someone to share my time, my heart, my life with and vice versa. Many people around me are engaged, married and/or in serious relationships. This probably has imposed a spotlight on my own "love life," but it's not a feeling that has come about because of it. The fact of the matter is, as independent as I am...as much as I can take care of myself and survive on my own...it's not something I want. I enjoy who I am and my tracy-quirks. But, like I said, I want to be with someone. I want everything that goes into a partnership of 2 passionate and unique individuals with similar ideals for the future.

That being said, I haven't been sitting around waiting for this to just happen. I, better than most I think, know that you get out of something what you put into it. So, I am giving it my best efforts knowing full well that these things take time. Patience is important here. That doesn't mean I don't get frustrated or sad or have moments of self-doubt and even self-loathing. Thankfully, I am grounded enough to bring myself back to reality when these difficulties rear their heads.

I was out with Ash on Friday night and she said, "Tracy - there is nothing wrong with you. For a long time you weren't interested in finding someone. For a long time you weren't feeling good about yourself. And, while you are now, it hasn't been very long and you gotta be patient."

You have no idea how much this helped me. A statement that seems so obvious, was burried deep in my mind - covered up by fear and doubt.

She then said, "You also have been through enough with relationships to now know what you want and what you don't. You aren't wasting your time."

This is true, too. I am not interested in wasting anyone's time, especially my own. So, if it were just a boyfriend I was looking for - I know I could find one.

I am not sure why I am going on and on about this. Though, I can say that I was inspired to write by this morning's horoscope. I check this maybe once a week for sillyness, but every so often they strike a cord with me. Here's today's:

"It may seem as if you're being nagged about romance, but it's only because you have a reputation that's carved in stone as the most romantic sign in the heavens. You certainly wouldn't want to blow it because you were preoccupied with something as trivial as work, paying the bills or cleaning the house. Right? Well, get busy! "

I find it funny that this generic piece of web content knows me better than I know myself sometimes. haha. But, it's right. I don't want to 'blow it'...but what am I missing?.... What else can I do? If know me - you know I've been making an effort in every way possible (friends, bars, web, parties, etc). So... where's the gap?

Or, is it a hurry up and wait situation? And, if it is, that's cool. I just want to make sure I'm not missing something that could be right in front of me...

Any thoughts?