My Unfamiliar Self

Last week I wasn't myself.

I wasn't stressed about work. My heart hadn't recently been broken by a guy. My friends and family were fine.

I wasn't myself...physically.

I woke up Sunday (1/28) morning with swollen eyes and a rash on exposed parts of my body - wrists, ankles, clavicle, and face.

I am not allergy-prone so this made no sense and caused some concern. I made my way to urgent care where after an hour I was given a less-than-mediocre diagnosis and sent on my way.

Knowing I am not the medical expert, I took the advice of the doc (despite my skepticism). I spent the day in and out of sleep.

Monday morning comes. I am in physical pain. I can barely open my eyes and when I do this is what I see: 

I don't know about you, but I don't know this girl.  Not only did I physically feel horrible, but I was frightened by my own appearance.

Yet, I still continued to have faith in my medical provider and decided, against any level of sanity, to go into work.

I lasted about 3 hours before it was time to head back to my cave. Here I am on may way home...

And, while I was not very happy - I am not intentionally grimacing in this picture. My nose and mouth had now started to swell.

Deciding to give it the evening, I took my prescribed medicine and went to bed. Below is what I woke up to.

This girl is even less recognizable than the one above. I am not sure who she is. Keep in mind - I am STRAINING to keep my eyes open in the picture. If you look closely you can see the creases below my eyebrows showing how stretched the skin around my eyelids was. 

Naturally, I was even more concerned than I originally was.  I called my doc's office and made another appointment.

I spent the next 7+ hours at the medical offices in San Francisco. I was poked, x-rayed, prodded, interrogated, drained of what felt like a gallon of blood, photographed, and given a breath test.

I still have yet to receive any formal diagnosis other than, "an allergic reaction."

Allergic reaction? To what? Nothing in my life had changed - no new food, cleansers, products, shampoos, lotions, etc.  I hadn't been exposed to harsh weather or varying environments. This was, and still is, a complete mystery

But, according to the quacks at my MD's office, these things happen.  I was prescribed steroids and antihistamines and sent on my way. Below shows my progression through the week...

Wednesday: eyes still swollen. Mouth and nose still swollen.

Thursday: Eye swelling goes down, mouth and nose remain swollen. Skin still red, splotchy, dry and riddled with bumps.

Friday: Tired, Swollen, Lonely, broken down.

I will say, that one of the toughest parts about this experience - aside from not knowing the cause - was dealing with a person I didn't recognize.

I try very hard to avoid being superficial - but this went beyond 'beauty,' or being thought of as pretty.

This was me not recognizing me.

It was a horrible feeling. And, I found myself staring at the ground as I walked around - even in my own home. I didn't want to see anyone or do anything.

It's easy to sit there and read this - thinking that it would be easy to see beyond your own reflection. But, imagine going back to a place of not feeling comfortable in your own skin after years of working towards believing in your self-worth.

The good news: I am happy to say that 90% of my symptoms have now dissipated and I am feeling much better. I still am so curious as to what could have caused this, but have accepted the fact that I may never know and it could happen again at any time.

Most importantly, its good to feel healthy again - both physically and mentally.